I met with Christine a year ago Thursday (the 2nd) and posted a blog about the reading on my myspace (will maybe repost it over here if I remember.) Anyway, meeting with her today, she just initially began very flustered. She was like, "This is very strange. I am getting very strange [vibes] from you... and I don't understand them." I told her that we had met exactly a year ago, which surprised her a little, but she kept trying to place me. "What's your name?" Ethan. "Was that your name a year ago?" No. "Hmmm." I grinned. I was really amused because I didn't know how much I should tell her and how much I should let her figure out. Then she's like, "That smile. Your smile haunts me. I've seen that smile before." Hehe. Then we got started with the tarot reading. I cut the cards and she shuffled them three times afterward. The first, she said, was for my body. It was healthy and strong. The second was for my mind, very sluggish and reflective of heavy stagnant energy. The third was for my spirit, which she was was very strong and clear. Interesting. But she was still very confused about what was throwing her off so much about me. She said, "This first card in the center will tell me everything I need to know." And she turned over the page of pentagrams. She seemed a little shocked, and mumbled to herself for a bit, turning over a card on either side. Things seemed to be making more sense to her (cause so far I was a page with swords on either side) and the fourth card she turned over, at the top, was the queen of swords. Then she said, "I get it now. The last time I read your cards, the queen was in the center. Now the page has replaced her. This means the move from female to male." (It really doesn't take a psychic to figure that out... but still.)
The first question she asked me once the cards were down was, "Why did you stop writing?" I used to write short stories and essays and stuff all the time to entertain my friends. I guess I stopped because I lost whatever was inspiring me. Anyway. So then we talked about what I was doing work wise. I told her that I had been working with children since last summer. And she said that I had a lot of healing that had to be done, and working with children would facilitate the healing process. She said that the last 4 1/2 to 5 years of my life had been horrible, that I had been in a lot of stressful and degrading situations, but I was out of that now, probably because of my decision to transition last year. (What I hadn't told her was that the last 5 years of my life had been hell, but I was only able to transition once I had left the situation.) When I kept telling her about work, I mentioned that I wasn't out at work, so I was still 'female' as far as they were concerned... but I didn't really finish the thought. She said immediately that the most probably cause for my stagnant energy was that I wasn't being able to fully transition (in my mind) to male, even though my body was on hormones and I already 'felt' like Ethan. Until I could live as male, that stagnation would continue. But she also kept searching for other possible sources.
She told me that I needed to stop worrying about love. That I was in huge disconnect with my heart wanting to love and my mind telling me not to. She said that I would meet my soulmate either in the middle or at the end of November (yay!) and that this person would be a bit taller than myself (5'10 or slightly taller), lighter skin, and very toned. She said that this was the person who I was waiting for, who would treat me well. She said I had recently been interested in someone who didn't appreciate me or return my interest, which was true. Anyway, until I met this person, this was the year that I was supposed to be absolutely selfish and not worry about what others think.
She asked me where I was living and I told her that I was living at home. She said that I had to move out--and that I would in 2 months. Eeep! I knew I was going to move out this summer, but I was thinking more toward the end than the beginning. And it's kind of contingent on where I'll be going to school in the fall. She said that I'll be coming into having a lot of money at the end of the year (FAFSA?) so hopefully things will be taken care of and I'll be able to return to school and move out of the house.
She returned to the thing about me writing and insisted that I start keeipng a diary every night in which I write about my reaction to situations, being as non-judgemental as possible, and keep it up for three months reviewing it three times a week. She said that I had a lot of creativity in my mind and drive to write in my spirit, but once it got translated into actual writing, it didn't turn out so well because there was a disconnect there, probably because I got so bored of the actual task of writing so quickly. Journaling, she thinks, will improve my writing skills and apparently I'm supposed to publish a book. (That's funny, too, cause I actually do have a story I've been working on for forever now...)
What else? She asked me if I had any questions for her, and I told her that I had very graphic, violent dreams often throughout my life (and by often, I mean several times a month) in which I would be mutilated or whatever by a group of people (usually 4-6 men with guns, knives, whatever.) In my dreams I was also protecting some small child and sacrificing myself for them. She said that the thing about the children was because I was meant to adopt a boy and a girl (most psychics I've spoken to have said that I was meant to have at least a boy, and probably both a boy and a girl, so I'm taking that to be true.) The violence, she said, was residual memories from my most previous life which was ended prematurely (and very violently) by a group of a few men. She said that I was about 24 years old when this happened and so sometime after I turn 24 years old in this life, I will cease having that residual energy and the nightmares will stop. We'll see. She said that the reason I was having these nightmares was because my third-eye was very sharply focused and aware... so I asked wouldn't it be a bad thing if I no longer had any insight or vision into my past lives? And she said that we need to focus on our present lives and such. I mean, it makes sense. I guess I always just thought that no matter how brutal my dreams where that there was a message I was supposed to get that, somehow, I never got.
One interesting thing that happened was she wanted to leave the room to get a cigarette, she said something, ending with calling me "Josh." I was a little confused, but kind of brushed it off as her just not remembering my name. Later we talked about it, and despite me telling her that my name is Ethan, and even telling her my birthname, she kept attaching "Josh" to me. Who knows, maybe that was my name in my previous life, or maybe that's the name of my 'soulmate' (because, wouldn't it make sense if a psychic also knew about one's soulmate if they're able to read a person's soul?) Oh well. Maybe we'll have some insight into this later.
Hmmm... I'm trying to think. Reading wise, she really didn't tell me too much more. We talked a little bit about the actual transition process, and she asked me how long I had to be on hormones before I could have 'the surgery' (meaning bottom surgery, I guess, since I had spoken to her last spring about having top surgery and actually had it April 9th.) I told her that I had already done the therapy part and was one hormones, and had the top surgery. At this point, my only obstacle to bottom surgery was money. She said that the money that I would be getting at the end of the year would be so much that I would be able to have bottom surgery early next year!!!!! That kind of blew me away. I was really preparing to not be able to do it for YEARS (like, maybe for my 30th birthday or something.) Eeep. I'm trying not to get too excited, but she said that me transitioning is a MUST. She said that she had had another trans person who consulted with her in the past whom she helped guide through his transition. That made me feel a lot better because, even though she definitely struck me as an open-minded person, actually being able to understand a transperson psychically was extra reassuring.
So yeah. Long post, I think that's all. I guess I just like keeping track of these meetings because I like to see how things change. For instance, she completely did not recognize me, even though I came in with the same person I visited her last year with. She didn't detect any stagnation last year (which I was living as solely female) that she did this year. Though she did see much more growth and calm, overall, as I was coming into myself. Of course, she also said that I would live to be in my 80s in excellent health (I say of course because she's not the first person to say that to me.) And that's it. I guess I can add more as I remember (as I've kind of been doing here.) But let's wait until next April to see what else changes. She asked if I wanted her to do a chakra reading for me. As exciting as the idea is, I really can't afford it right now. Maybe if I really do get this money she's talking about... oh well. Until next time.
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